i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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