I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
