don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol â¤â¤ also dont tell anyone
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
