I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
