Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
