So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
