Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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