she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
