ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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