did you get engaged???
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
