I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
