My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
