hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
