Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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