fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
