I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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