He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
