OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
