Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
