Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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