my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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