Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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