I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
