My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Randomize
