If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize