When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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