Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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