i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
