I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
