Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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