last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
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I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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