The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Your cock deserves a montage
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
