Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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