please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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