I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
