i jhust puked up my retainher.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
