Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
