bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
