i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
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you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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