Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
