Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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