I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
