Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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