i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
