We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
