____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
