You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
