I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
