It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
