Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
