so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
