After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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