Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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