alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
