He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
