U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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