And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So vagazzling was a success
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
