the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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