I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
