In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
