if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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